Cinematic slow tracking shot at eye level, camera glides smoothly left to right along an ice-rink player bench, revealing five seated hockey players one by one in identical black-and-red uniforms and helmets. Each sits perfectly still, dead serious, staring forward, none looking at camera, none moving, none talking. Natural cool arena lighting, realistic ice-rink atmosphere, shallow depth of field, buttery smooth gimbal motion, blockbuster sports-film look. Deadpan comedy through total seriousness. 9:16 vertical.
